#093: Coach More, Rescue Less: 7 Power Questions To Ask Your Team | Michael Bungay Stanier

Executive it was Friday night something needed to get out the door and it didn’t go out by five and Ivan are you talking a pharmaceutical company or actually literally heroin or.

Pharmaceutical company for sure and I volunteered to help this executive who was up a few chains above me to work late you know that that Friday night and I saved the day getting the things out before midnight or whatever it was and I thought I was awesome right I thought it was a hero and as I was walking out there was one other guy who stayed behind he was.

Sort of mid-level and he said Kevin you just taught him the next time he can let it go till Friday at midnight once more and I struggle with that because I get that enabling thing I get that in the only thing and yet I also feel like it’s good to be helpful it’s good to.

Work hard it’s good to apply your talents to help people out so where’s the fine line between you know being proactive and helpful great contributor versus.

Fine line and it’s a subtle thing but one of the fundamental things to be thinking.

The drama triangle and the behavior exhibiting whether it’s a rescuer or either of the other two roles it’s typically not a.

Mindful choice but I reaction to the situation you’re gonna get triggered into it so before you know it you’re doing that thing again and you’re part of these frustrated which is like art is this happening again but it’s because it’s a habit and you haven’t really thought about it.

You just suck it into the drama triangle so that’s the big part of it that that makes that clears it up that makes a lot of sense because being at choice is what this is about you know in some ways this work is about.

Mindful and thoughtful and at choice are in the work.

That you do the fourth question of the book has called the foundation question that question is what do you want and it’s foundational.

Because it is a easy question to ask and often a hard question to answer and one of the ways to to manage the drama triangle is when things get dysfunctional and you know they always get disorder ask yourself what do.

I want here ask yourself what might they want or even more ask them directly what do you want here and somebody once said an adult to adult relationship and I would love our working relationships to be more adult to adult in our workplace is being able to ask for what you want knowing that the answer may be no mmm that’s great all of that to say that in that interaction with that senior executive there’s a whole bunch of stuff going on but part of what determines whether you’re in the drama triangle.

Or not is your intention right whether it’s a mindful choice or not whether you’ve got what you wanted from this as well as giving what you wanted to get give from that whether you kind of you did train that.

Person to go excellent I can leave at or next Friday and you know Kevin will come in and save my backside again.

Or whether you’re going no you know what this is me being.

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