#093: Coach More, Rescue Less: 7 Power Questions To Ask Your Team | Michael Bungay Stanier

You know whether you were triggered into the drama triangle around that and the other key thing to know about the drama triangle is it as a self management tool it’s not about forcing this from somebody else I mean if you’re listening to this podcast let me tell you that what’s not gonna work you going.

Home tonight and turning to your spouse and going I just learned about.

This model you are absolutely a persecutor that explains everything you’re a nightmare now you’re in the drama triangle yourself but it’s really about am i showing up the way I want to at work is this the best version of myself and I can promise you that when you’re in the.

Drama triangle you’re not seeing the best version of yourself yeah and I think Michael you just saved me from 30.

Minutes from now making a complete fool of myself so I’m glad this.

Little this this little part so Kevin I’m good but I love that good so you mentioned a great question the foundation question but let me.

Back up a little bit so and again listeners it’s the coaching habits a less ask more change the way you lead forever and I want to start at the beginning I mean the fundamentals of why I mean you wrote an entire book about coaching this isn’t one chapter and how to be a leader.

An entire book you’re also saying we need.

To make it a habit so explain all of that for us yeah so I want coaching to be seen.

Not as an occasional event or an obligation forced onto you by HR or whatever I want you to understand that coaching is just a foundational leadership behavior I mean Daniel Goleman who some of.

You may know that name he kind of made emotional intelligence popular he wrote a book in an article in the Harvard Business Review 2001 I think called leadership that gets.

Results he says look there’s actually six different styles of leadership and great leaders know how to use all six of those styles coaching was one of them but it was the least utilized even though it could be shown to have the most impact on culture on engagement I think second or third on profitability Wow I’m.

Like okay so what’s going on here everybody knows that coaching is useful there’s nobody really in this world going I’m anti coaching I really think command and.

Control is the way to go but for some reason it’s hard to make the behavior change to make that work so the design of the book is just I mean when I was writing and Kevin I know you’ve written books before you know this the agony and the ecstasy but my goal when I wrote this book was to say what’s the shortest book I could.

Write that would be most useful right that’s why there’s only seven questions and it covers like I could give people 98 questions but.

That’s not useful I could give people two questions and that may not be as useful as it could be seven turned out to be the sweet number but because what I care about is not people knowing the questions.

But people asking the questions the focus is on behavior change and here’s the thing everybody listening to this podcast right now and I’m going to be bold I’m gonna say it you are all advice-giving maniacs I mean you love it you don’t even know what the problem is but you’ve got an opinion on.

What the answer should be and I’m trying to shift that rush to action and advice I want you to stay curious a little bit longer now knowing the questions great stardom there’s only seven questions but if you don’t know how to start building habits habits of the building blocks of behavior change and there’s a ton of made-up stuff out there in the world about habit change.

You do it for 21 days it becomes a habit that’s just wrong somebody made that up and now towards the internet like no don’t either won’t die but habits you know there’s lots of good stuff out there you look at the work of Charles Duhigg and.

His book the power of habit BJ Fogg and his great website tiny habits calm and we created this thing called the the habit and a new habit formula simple three-part formula that says if you understand those the habit building you you can build new behaviors if you build new behaviors you get to change yourself as a manager as a leader as a person loved it and listeners I just.

Need to anchor something here is about this.

Book and if you haven’t encountered it Michaels book the coaching habit it’s I mean it’s well it’s one of the blockbusters you know of the last year it’s really.

Big and I think good solid content but what jumped out at me is exactly Michael just said behavior change most of these books that are written and again I read one a day and interview the author.

Some great advice some great knowledge and ideas but no you know no real practical way to integrate it into your very very busy days.

This is a different kind of book this is something that is going to change your behaviors your leadership behaviors and I think that’s why it’s been so successful and Michael you suggest that there are seven questions as you say to ask in a coaching conversation we can’t go deep into all of them because of the short form ahead of this show and I you.

Know I think our listeners will.

See them that I love this book and they’ll get it but kick us off you’ll walk us through the first few questions and and why you’ve chosen these to start the coaching conversation let me do this.

Let me give you the first and the last question already got the floor time which is the foundation question what you want so now you’ve.

Kind of the first the fourth and the seventh so it’s a.

Nice pattern there but we call the first and the last questions the bookend questions like how do you start a conversation more quickly how do you finish it more strongly now our fundamental starting point Kevin is this if you can’t coach somebody in ten minutes or.

Less you don’t have time to coach them so you’ve got to make sure that these these conversations are the more coach like a fast and to the point so the opening question the.

Is how do you get into a conversation that’s interesting more speedily rather than they’re kind of slow meandering oh I hope we’re going to get to the point sometime soon because time is running out oh we didn’t nevermind so here’s the opening question what’s on your mind now why it works so well is.

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